


I'm Picking Up Good Vibrations

by Memories_of_the_Shadows



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien/Human Relationships, Complete, F/M, Humor, Misunderstandings, Vibrators, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27026737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memories_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Memories_of_the_Shadows
Summary: Garrus goes looking for his scope but he finds something else.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	I'm Picking Up Good Vibrations

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Good Vibrations" by The Beach Boys. ~~Yes, I did go looking for that specific song; no, I am not sorry.~~
> 
> I do not consent to my work being hosted on any unofficial apps, especially any with ad revenue and subscription services, or any website other than ao3 unless I personally cross-posted a work.

Garrus can’t find his extra scope. He’s sure he had it just yesterday, used it for the sniper rifle he brought for Jane on their Citadel date--which he hadn’t won, but that’s okay, he was going easy on her anyway--and then they went back to her room afterwards to celebrate their victory.

It must be in her room, then. Garrus has been just a _little_ distracted at the time, so it’s no wonder he missed it when it fell out of his kit.

Jane is off on a routine ground mission with Liara and EDI--something quick with lots of decryption and prothean data so he’d passed it up when she asked--but he can’t wait. If he gets the scope quickly, he might have time to finish calibrating the weapons system before Jane gets back and they can have a nice night cycle together.

He takes the elevator up, trying to think where he’d thrown his bag, and hopes that Jane found it and put it somewhere easy to see so she could bring it to him later. Or remind him to take it with him, next time they have a night in.

No such luck.

With Jane’s desk clear of anything remotely scope-like--as is her coffee table, couch, bedside tables, and shelves--Garrus is going to have to go hunting a bit.

He goes for under the couch first--not there--the coffee table--nope--and then the bed.

It’s a bit dusty--and he could have gone a long time without being told that human skin _flakes off and gets eaten by microscopic organisms that shit out dust_ \--but Garrus represses his shudder, tells himself that he loves even the _dead skin flakes_ off Jane’s body, and feels around.

Almost immediately, he hits something round and hard and pulls it back with a clack of triumph. Good, now he can finish off those calibrations and….

The thing is small, metallic, and purple with a single button on the end. It is most definitely not his scope.

What the _fuck_.

Garrus looks at it a bit closer, turning it around in his fingers, but he just can’t figure out what it is. It’s not a grenade, not even a new one from Jane’s contacts, and it’s _definitely_ not a pill. And surely Jane wouldn’t leave something dangerous or important under her bed.

He clicks the button. The door swishes open.

It _vibrates_ in his hand, almost hard and shocking enough that he drops it, right as Jane catches sight of him sitting on the floor of her room, dust no doubt sinking into the crags of his skin and coating his fringe.

She looks from him, to the thing in his hand, then back to him, and goes sun red; doubling over with breathy, embarrassed laughter.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t used it since you got back to the Normandy,” Jane says, huffing out a final laugh and scratching the back of her head. “You’re more than enough for me.”

“That’s… good?” He has no idea what that means. Used this thing _how_? For _what_? “Uh, what is it?”

Garrus clicks the button again--for such a small device it’s got a powerful vibration--but all it does is change the vibration rhythm to something that makes his plates tingle like he’s getting hit with a very small hammer. Jane’s mouth drops open and her skin flushes red again, which would be very attractive if it didn’t concern him how close to the surface that makes her blood. Blood should be kept on the inside and humans are very soft and squishy.

“You don’t know what that is?” Jane’s voice reaches an octave he wasn’t aware that humans _could_ reach with their vocal cord arrangement.

“No? But it’s very powerful. Feels kind of nice, actually.” Nothing on an actual turian massage--not even a slight chance of pleasantly dented plates, for one--but he could get used to it.

Jane _squawks_ , and covers her eyes with both hands. “You told me you did _research_ last year,” she practically yells. Her voice is full of embarrassment. “You didn’t find anything about vibrators?”

“I did do research. _A lot_ of research.” He’d kept a lot of that research in his own personal omnitool for further study. It was _very_ good research. “I thought vibrators had little bunny ears.” That’s the one he saw most frequently in his research hole on human clitorises. That particular bit of web searching had paid off in _dividends_ when he learned just how Jane reacted to the imperial anthem hummed in turian against it.

It sounds like Jane mutters, “oh my fuck,” into her hands before she pulls them away from her face. “ _There’s more than one kind of vibrator, Garrus_ ,” she hisses at him.

“What?” More than the ones he saw? How many types of sex toys do humans _have_? “Oh.” He’s holding a vibrator. “ _Oh_.” He’s holding _Jane’s_ vibrator.

The image comes to him like a krogan ceremonial war hammer. Jane, in bed, sliding this toy against her sensitive nipples, running her own hands down her flanks just the way she likes him to do. Putting this little vibrator right next to her clit, dipping it along her soft, wet, folds until she shudders through an orgasm.

He wants to kiss her through that orgasm.

He wants to _watch_ her do it to herself.

His groin plates loosen as he thinks about it, and he wishes he wasn’t covered in dust right now, and Jane covered in who knows what. Decontamination doesn’t catch everything.

“You could use it,” he says, thinking back to what she said when she first caught him with it. It’s not fair that he’ll use his carefully curated research when she’s off somewhere or not in the mood for sex or company and she doesn’t. “If you want.” Garrus knows she doesn’t need his permission to do whatever Jane likes with her body, even if they’ve finally agreed not to see anyone else. Not that he has been.

Jane’s pretty much been it for him since she showed up at his hideout like an actual archangel back from the dead.

But maybe she could stand to hear it anyway.

“I’ve just been busy,” she says, not looking him in the eye. Sometimes he has good instincts for human emotional minefields. “And I keep forgetting to pick up cleaner at the Citadel.” She rubs her hand through her hair. “I know that’s not very sexy.”

“I think you’re incredibly sexy.” He’s fairly sure that everything Jane does is somehow sexy, except for her dancing. Though he has some plans for that, a bit of research that he had to leave off when Palaven was attacked. “I think this little vibrator of yours is pretty sexy too.”

Her eyes hood and her cheeks go that pretty, nerve-wracking red again. Jane cocks a hip to the side and smirks at him. “Oh yeah?”

Garrus has to chuckle, putting the still vibrating thing on her bed. “You know it.” He has no idea how to turn it off but it doesn’t seem to matter.

“Well then why don’t you come over here and remind me just how sexy I am in the shower, soldier,” she says, lifting an eyebrow.

That’s not an offer Garrus is willing to pass up. He’ll find his scope later.

Much later.

**Author's Note:**

> The discord I am a part of was talking about aliens, vibe checks, and vibrators one day and this popped nearly fully formed into my head. As Maui in "Moana" would say, "you're welcome".
> 
> If you'd like, come visit me on [tumblr](https://sachinighte.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
